cartoon cow writing at a desk

Subconscious DJ Speaks in Tongues (3.22.17)

Well. I received three very distinctive songs in my dreams last night. The first song is “I Want Your Sex” by George Michael. In spite of my 12 year history of incest, I have a very healthy sex life with my husband of 27 years. We’ve worked very hard on our relationship since the beginning of our life together on planet earth. We are partners and soul mates. My husband’s name is Nathan which means “Gift from God.” Nathan certainly is my “Gift from God,” however we both feel like we are each other’s gifts from God helping us to navigate our various healing journeys. We are both change agents in our families, because we are both breaking generations of negative energetic patterns in our respective family systems. There are many levels of sexual healing, therefore I embrace this song by George Michael, because one of my main goals in life is to break through all of the early associations of sex with my father to create and celebrate sexual energy, sexual excitement, and sexual exploration with my husband who is my partner, friend, and lover of choice. Bring it on!

“I Want Your Sex” by George Michael

There’s things that you guess
And things that you know
There’s boys you can trust
And girls that you don’t
There’s little things you hide
And little things that you show
Sometimes you think you’re gonna get it
But you don’t and that’s just the way it goes

I swear I won’t tease you
Won’t tell you no lies
I don’t need no bible
Just look in my eyes
I’ve waited so long baby
Now that we’re friends
Every man’s got his patience
And here’s where mine ends

I want your sex
I want your love
I want your sex
I want your, sex

It’s playing on my mind
It’s dancing on my soul
It’s taken so much time
So why don’t you just let me go
I’d really like to try
Oh I’d really love to know
When you tell me you’re gonna regret it
Then I tell you that I love you but you still say no!

I swear I won’t tease you
Won’t tell you no lies
I don’t need no bible
Just look in my eyes
I’ve waited so long baby
Out in the cold
But I can’t take much more girl
I’m losing control

I want your sex
I want your love
I want your sex
I want your, sex, sex

It’s natural
It’s chemical (let’s do it)
It’s logical
Habitual (can we do it?)
It’s sensual
But most of all
Sex is something that we should do
Sex is something for me and you

Sex is natural, sex is good
Not everybody does it
But everybody should
Sex is natural, sex is fun
Sex is best when it’s, one on one
One on one

Sex, I’m not your father
Sex, I’m not your brother
Sex, Talk to your sister
Sex, I am a lover
Sex
Sex
Sex
C-c-c-c-come on

What’s your definition of dirty baby
What do you consider pornography
Don’t you know I love you till it hurts me baby
Don’t you think it’s time you had sex with me

What’s your definition of dirty baby
What do you call pornography
Don’t you know I love you till it hurts me baby
Don’t you think it’s time you had sex with me

Sex with me
Sex with me
Have sex with me

C-c-c-c-come on

Oh yeah
I want you baby

Oh so much love
That you’ve never seen
Let’s make love
Put your trust in me

Don’t you listen to what they told you
Because I love you
Let me hold you
Oh

I’m not your brother
I’m not your father
Oh will you ever change your mind
I’m a gentle lover with a heart of gold
But baby you’ve been so unkind

Come on
I want your sex
Come on
I want your sex
That’s right, all night
Oh I want your sex
I want your, sex

Sexy baby’s
Sexy body
Keeps me guessing
With a promise
I know we can come together
But the question is
Will we ever ever?

Sexy baby’s
(Sexy baby’s)
Sexy body
(Sexy body)
Keeps me guessing
(Keeps me guessing)
With a promise
I know we can come together
But the question is
Will we ever ever?

Together
You and me

I want your love

Written by George Michael • Copyright © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc

The second song “Every Breath You Take” by The Police initially sounds like a love song, however I read that Sting wrote the song about someone who is stalking a former lover which is quite disturbing. The song is popular. And the song is haunting. I’m not sure what the song means to me, however I interpret most songs as my soul talking to me. The song could be about accountability to my soul. It may be a message to be intentional about every decision that I make in this lifetime, however I have been very conscientious about every decision that I have made for many, many years. It can also be a part of myself, for instance the child part of myself, talking to me, reminding me that we are supposed to be together making decisions together. Since I was sexually abused at age 8 and it continued until age 20, there’s a huge chunk of my life where I was not in charge of my body. I had no control over my body or my sexuality. My sexuality was hijacked by my father. One of the biggest aspects of my sexual abuse was the confusion that it created. How could my father who loves me, protects me, teaches me, and provides for me do this awful stuff to me that I don’t want to do?!? And he told me to not tell my mother or anyone else, therefore I was caught in a horrific Catch 22 x 1000. I needed help. I needed an escape plan. My escape plan was created in my mind. I created alternate routes, or survival plans, to cope with each age and stage of the abuse which was not an easy task for a child with limited life experience, however the plans worked, and I’m still here living, breathing, and succeeding today. Every breath that I take is a gift – a hard earned gift from the core of my being. I’m proud of my survival skills. I’m proud of my progress. I’m proud of my stamina and my endurance. I’m not healed 100%, but I’m healthy, alive, and striving each and every day to be the best person that I can be for myself, my husband, my children, and my community. I’ve spent the past 2-3 years working intensely on my own with this child’s voice inside of me that feels like it is finally being heard and addressed. Trust me though, I have been working diligently on healing myself for the past 33 years!!! I just realized this past week that I am a workaholic concerning my soul. I’m a Type A personality when it comes to my healing journey. I’m determined to work through this shit so that I can move onward and upward in life and the afterlife.

“Every Breath You Take” by The Police

Every breath you take
Every move you make
Every bond you break
Every step you take
I’ll be watching you
Every single day
Every word you say
Every game you play
Every night you stay
I’ll be watching you
Oh can’t you see
You belong to me
My poor heart aches
With every step you take
Every move you make
Every vow you break
Every smile you fake
Every claim you stake
I’ll be watching you
Since you’ve gone I been lost without a trace
I dream at night I can only see your face
I look around but it’s you I can’t replace
I feel so cold and I long for your embrace
I keep crying baby, baby, please
Oh can’t you see
You belong to me
My poor heart aches
With every step you take
Every move you make
Every vow you break
Every smile you fake
Every claim you stake
I’ll be watching you
Every move you make
Every step you take
I’ll be watching you
I’ll be watching you
(Every breath you take, every move you make, every bond you break, every step you take)
I’ll be watching you
(Every single day, every word you say, every game you play, every night you stay)
I’ll be watching you
(Every move you make, every vow you break, every smile you fake, every claim you stake)
I’ll be watching you
(Every single day, every word you say, every game you play, every night you stay)
I’ll be watching you
(Every breath you take, every move you make, every bond you break, every step you take)
I’ll be watching you
(Every single day, every word you say, every game you play, every night you stay)
I’ll be watching you

Songwriter: Sting

The third song I received is the “Green Acres” theme song from the television show. What the heck is this about? It is a TV show that I watched as a child. It’s a crazy show about silly things. The setting is rural and kooky. The storyline is absurd. The show is filled with odd ball characters. The wife appears to be a beautiful ditz who is happy and succeeds while the husband is the handsome, intelligent character who seems to suffer the most and is the butt of all of the jokes. Is the message to embrace insanity? To be crazy? Unconventional? Interesting? Ignorance is bliss and reality is difficult? I’m game. I also like the message about “green acres” since I am a strong environmentalist. I agree – Green acres is the place to be. Maybe “Green Acres” is an invitation for me to play more and to be even sillier than I already am today. See ya! I’m gonna go play!

“Green Acres” TV Show Theme

Green Acres is the place to be.
Farm livin’ is the life for me.
Land spreadin’ out so far and wide
Keep Manhattan, just give me that countryside.

New York is where I’d rather stay.
I get allergic smelling hay.
I just adore a penthouse view.
Dah-ling I love you but give me Park Avenue.

…The chores.
…The stores.
…Fresh air.
…Times Square.

You are my wife.
Good bye, city life.
Green Acres we are there.

Thank you Subconscious DJ. I’m listening.