Touching that Thing

Touching that Thing (1.28.18)

The information contained in this article is for mature audiences. You have to figure out for yourself what that note of caution means. I was sexually abused by my father at age 8. I was a child. The topic and experience of sex was forced onto me against my will when I was in the 3rd grade. I didn’t have a choice as to whether or not I wanted to learn and discuss this foreign topic. My intention through this writing is to heal myself and to help others. These are the Nitty Gritty details of what sexual abuse looks and feels like. I’m not an expert. This is my experience.

I didn’t want to masturbate my dad. He asked me if I would put my mouth on his penis. I thought, “WHAT?!? GROSS!!! That huge thing? GROSS!” He said that mom didn’t like to do this to him. He asked me if I would do it and I said, “No!” He then took me over to his tiny little bathroom and stood with his penis facing the toilet and made me use my tiny little 8 or 9 year old hand to rub his penis a specific way while he moaned and groaned a little bit until this stringy white stuff came out of it. It was gross. I hated touching this thing. I didn’t want to touch him like that. I felt sick to my stomach.

Thus begins another phase of the abuse. He would do oral sex on me and then expect me to masturbate him.