Hard Knocks (2.16.17)
No one gets through life scot-free. People may appear to have an easy life, but the truth is every one of us has challenges to overcome or work through in this lifetime. Life is very difficult at times. To me, ultimately, what happens to you is not as important as how you react to it. In other words, overcoming the challenge is more important than focusing on the trauma, the event, or the knock-down. Here’s a list of my hard knocks:
Two years of preschool at age 3 and 4 during the 1960s so that my mother could work. I hated the entire experience and the teachers were battle axes.
Sexually abused by my father age 8-20.
First boyfriend broke my heart at age 15.
Second boyfriend broke my heart at age 18.
Maternal grandmother died a horrific death spring 1984.
Sexually abused by a male nurse at Mary Washington College right when my family sexual abuse began erupting out of my body and consciousness. Ironically, I was temporarily in the Health Center to support my psychological health and the male nurse knew what my situation or problem was.
Fraternal grandfather died spring 1985.
Fraternal grandmother died spring 1986.
Car accident #1: rear-ended at a stoplight which resulted in long-term neck and back pain. 1986.
Car accident #2: My legs/knees were pinned between two cars at a Car Pool car wash. As a result had 3 knee surgeries throughout the years. It’s a miracle I can walk. 1987.
Diagnosed with a pituitary tumor. 1987.
Third boyfriend broke my heart at age 25.
“Fired” from my first “full time” job at age 27.
“Fired” from another job at age 33.
Lost my 55 year old mother-in-law to a glioblastoma grade 4 brain tumor.
First child, Ashlee, born at 30 weeks due to pre-eclampsia.
After Ashlee’s birth, the placenta got caught inside of me and I almost bled to death. I had a near death experience, but decided to come back and continue living on the earth plane.
Mastitis for 6 weeks while breastfeeding Ashlee.
Miscarriage #1 between Ashlee and Rachel in 2003.
Miscarriage #2 when Rosalina was 2 years old in 2008.
Miscarriage #3 when Rosalina was 4 years old in 2012.
Experienced heart attack symptoms when a sub-contractor that I trusted implicitly challenged my husband’s and my authority. We had worked together for 10 years and she was our accountant. We fired her. 2012.
Miscarriage #4 when Rosalina was 5 years old in 2012.
We all experience hard knocks in life. Some hard knocks are self-imposed (i.e., addictions to drugs, alcohol, etc.). Some hard knocks are imposed upon us (i.e., sexual abuse, trauma, accidents, etc.). What I noticed about my list of hard knocks is that most of them revolve around the theme of loss – losing something (childhood, innocence), losing someone (death of loved ones and miscarriages), losing relationships, losing jobs, or losing health. Sometimes we have to lose something in order to gain something. We have to shed the old in order to make way for the new. But what do we do with that loss? To be a victim or not to be a victim? That is the question.