Healing is a Journey, Not a Destination (3.28.17)
Healing is a journey, not a destination. Holy shit. How many pathways do I need to explore and experience in order to heal myself? I have spent the majority of my life coping with, surviving, and healing from 12 years of childhood sexual abuse. Following are the various modalities that I have used to heal from this horrific experience:
Individual counseling or talk therapy
Women’s therapy group
Therapy group for women who were sexually abused
Prescription drug therapy
SRT (Spiritual Response Therapy)
EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique)
Tantra (which is like a part-time job)
Counseling and healing yourself is traditionally explained as peeling away layers of an onion. I figure if I count each day during the time period of the abuse as one layer, then I have approximately 4,380 layers to peel away (365 days per year x 12 years = 4,380). It’s exhausting to work this hard to heal, but the rewards are well worth the effort.
I feel like I am on the final leg of my healing journey – the final frontier. I began this very public journey of sharing my personal story 14 months ago. It is not my intention to hurt anyone, to blame anyone, or to get even with my parents. My goal, my intention is to honor this child’s voice or the wounded voice inside of me that keeps bugging me during my sleep. My goal in life is to be my true and complete self. Part of my current journey is sharing my experiences and feelings with other people through very public writing even if it makes me feel uncomfortable, exposed, and emotionally naked. It’s not easy to share information with an audience full of people that you don’t know. I don’t even know if anyone is reading these posts, but the beauty of what I am learning is that it does not matter what anyone else thinks about me and my experience. All that truly matters is that I be myself, take care of myself, and honor my true self.
P.S. I just got another message that I need to play. I played as a child, but obviously that play time was weighted down with incredibly heavy energy to cope, pretend like everything was okay, and to survive. Hmm….I get to explore a new, more exciting path. Time to play!