cartoon cow writing at a desk

Help Me Great Spirit (1.28.18)

Heavenly and Great Spirit, Creative Life Force of the Universe, Mother God, Father God, Angels, Fairies, Goddesses, and the entire Divine Realm,

Please help me with this new assignment. I don’t want to do this work. I can write everything down, the nitty gritty, for the 1,000th time and “let it go,” but this is different. I don’t want the world to know what my father did to me. I don’t see how I could have any shame left, because I have been releasing it for years. I don’t care what anyone else thinks of me, because I know who I am and what I want to do in life. I see myself. I get myself. My biggest concern is losing some of the key people in my life that I love and that love me – my parents and my husband. I’m scared that my parents will be ashamed of their actions and reject me, because I have aired the dirty family laundry. I’m scared that this unloading is too much for my husband to bear. He doesn’t understand why I need to tell anyone anything about this experience. He thinks it should remain private. The irony is that I didn’t create this problem. I was a pawn in this story. I was the victim. I was the 8 year old child forced to do inappropriate sexual acts against her will. My stomach hurts; I’ve had gut wrenching crying today – that’s not new – been there, done that 5,000 times; I feel sad; I feel scared; I feel lonely. Please give me the strength and courage to spit this shit out into the public domain. Give me hope. Shore up my wisdom from the ages to make wise decisions for the highest good of my body, mind, spirit, and energy field. Help me to care for this child’s voice inside of me that has been nagging me for years to let her speak out – apparently now with a megaphone. Please guide me, speak through me, and with me to get this shit out of my body, mind, and spirit, so that I can feel free to fly like the bird that I am destined to be. Goddesses, guide me, support me, lift me up to do this work, to be a voice for others to help them break free from their shackles, embrace healing, forgive those who have trespassed against them, and celebrate life and love. Send healing energy to all of the perpetrators, including my father, because we do not know their entire story. Help us to love these people and not just label them and toss them to the side. Perpetrators are children of the Universe too. We are all connected. For those who were abused and sexually assaulted at younger ages than my experience, give them the tools, the guidance, the love, the best helpers, and shine a light to help them out of the darkness, the fear, the guilt, the shame, and whatever other messages they have told themselves about not being good enough or loved. Goddesses guide me and speak through me to help us. Show me the way.