Father’s Day. The loaded gun. How to honor and celebrate the man who caused irreparable harm to my soul? It’s not easy when I’m processing conversations from this past week where Dad saw and remembered actions, behaviors, and events differently from me. I have to look at the big picture of humanity. My father was sexually abused at a very young age and he continued the cycle of abuse. Therefore does he get all of the blame for what happened between him and me? Or do we hold each generation accountable for the pieces and parts of family behaviors that are carried forward consciously and unconsciously? Unconscious behaviors are powerful. Denial is strong. The truth will set you free. But people see, remember, and acknowledge the truth differently. Sometimes our minds create stories that we believe to be true when other people disagree and know their truth.
I know for a fact that my father did not harm me intentionally. The man that harmed me the first time was not my father. He was an altered version of my father. He was unfamiliar. He was possessed. He was acting on subconscious energy, or unresolved and blocked energy, from where he was hurt as a child. But his choice to harm me is still affecting me, my husband, and our children. And my father’s actions were affected by his parent’s behaviors, his grandparent’s behaviors, his immediate relative’s behaviors, the behaviors in his local community where he grew up, the behaviors in society during the time period that he abused me (1971), and so on.
So how do we honor this masculine energy today that has attempted to destroy so many people subconsciously? We reach out and love the child within him and the child within all humanity. We love the young, innocent child in all of us that is striving to survive this strange human experiment on this planet called earth. We practice love, forgiveness, faith, and hope. We believe in a Higher Power. We believe that everything happens for a reason. We believe that we are all connected.
Life is not about what happens to you. It’s about creating the life that you want to live.
Today I celebrate my entire father – the light, the dark, the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful, the hero, the monster, the genius, the idiot, the compassionate, the distorted, etc. My father taught me a lot of great things and two of the lessons that I value the most are to help others and to have a sense of humor and laugh. Thank you Dad. Happy Father’s Day.