cartoon cow writing at a desk

Penetration (1.28.18)

The information contained in this article is for mature audiences. You have to figure out for yourself what that note of caution means. I was sexually abused by my father at age 8. I was a child. The topic and experience of sex was forced onto me against my will when I was in the 3rd grade. I didn’t have a choice as to whether or not I wanted to learn and discuss this foreign topic. My intention through this writing is to heal myself and to help others. These are the Nitty Gritty details of what sexual abuse looks and feels like. I’m not an expert. This is my experience.

People who have not been abused have no idea how difficult it is to share these types of details with anyone. I was 9 or 10 years old. My dad had me in his tiny, little bathroom off of my parent’s bedroom. It was daytime. Our tri-level home was built in the 1950s. This bathroom was small and functional – sink, toilet, and a stand up shower. The shower had small blue square tiles typical of homes built during this time period. We were standing between the shower and the sink. You could easily touch the sink if you were standing in the shower. My dad was standing and picked me up in his arms with me facing him. I had my arms around his neck and I guess that my legs were latched onto him like a monkey. Apparently I did not have my underpants on and he was going to try and insert his penis into my vagina. I had no idea what he was doing. I felt terrified, scared, and confused. He stopped himself, shook his head while looking down and said, “I can’t do this.”